Hard Candy
by Oblong features
Summary: Hi! My name's Marissa Hardy. I've recorded my story with Harvey and the Joker and stuff. You can read it if you want...I'm not the greatest writer ever. Joker/OC, Harvey/Rachel, Scarecrow/?
1. Hi, I'm Marissa!

Hello

Hello.

My name is Marissa Hardy.

I'm 27 years old.

I live in Gotham City.

But you don't care.

I know you don't.

All you want to hear

Is my association with Harvey Dent and Jack Napier.

Two-Face...

And the Joker.

_Hard Candy_

The phone woke me up. It was my cell phone, on the table next to my bed. I picked it up and looked at it. Felicia. Oh, great. Probably some problem with Peter or something, but come on. When you're the Black Cat and you're dating Spiderman, you just have to deal. I picked up the phone anyway.

"Hello?" I answered groggily. It was four in the morning and I didn't feel like talking...if she wanted to talk about some stupid problem, I was hanging up. End of story.

"Mmf, Marissa! You--ah!! Help! Please!--Come to Gotham General Hospita--ah!!" was all I heard from the other end of the telephone before it cut off. It kind of freaked me out, as it would anyone, so I followed her instructions, got up, put on my diguise as fast as I could and went to Gotham General. Right now I was Marissa Hardy, so I was wearing my traditional suit-jacket, skirt, white blouse and tie--oh yeah, and a long-haired blonde wig with really boxy bangs. I put on my flats and picked up my cell phone, dashing out of my one-room apartment and slamming the door behind me. I dialed Harvey's number but kept walking. If he didn't answer, oh boy...

"Harvey, I need a ride to Gotham General." I said matter-of-factly as soon as he answered. I could hear an annoyed sigh from the other line.

"Why the hell do you want a ride to the hospital at four in the morning?" Knowing Harvey, I probably hadn't woken him up, just interupted him from whatever was keeping Mr. Harvey Dent awake. Knowing Harvey, it was more important than whatever problem I had.

"Remember that person that's kind of related to me? My sister possibly? She called me and told me to go there. She sounded spazzed so I'm all freaked out now. Come on, Harv, you gotta help me here."

"Fine, I'll meet you at the park by your apartment. Just gimmie five minutes..." He muttered in the phone, hanging up abruptly. As long as he made it, that's all I cared about. Damn Harvey.


	2. Bat Psycho in the Hospital

Okay, so Harvey didn't take five minutes, he took more like six or seven

Okay, so Harvey didn't take five minutes, he took more like six or seven. I nagged him about being late though, just because it's funny to have the all-mighty District Attorney just sit there and take critisicm. Anyway, he sped a little (like anyone cared; the roads were empty) and got there in record time. He knew I was worried about my sister, and he's really sensitive when it comes to family stuff.

So finally, we're there. I thank him, give him a little kiss on the cheek and sprint towards the hospital. I open the door and step inside quietly, not wanting to wake anyone or something. This really apathetic looking nurse was sitting at the front desk, and she turns to me and gives me this nasty glare.

"Sorry ma'am, visiting hours are over. You can come back a little later. Our visiting hours are in this pamphlet." She starts dangling this piece of paper in front of her, like she expects me to come and get it. To hell with her; my sister's in there! ...Of course, I didn't say that. That's something the Sleeper would say, not Marissa Hardy. So I walk over to her, take the pamphlet, spray my nifty little knock-out gas in her face and she falls asleep. ...Okay, okay, so Marissa Hardy has a Sleeper side. Who doesn't? Hey, when you have the ability to be the Sleeper, I say you do it when you can.

"Ugh! Falling asleep on the job, I see!" I say, turning on the ball of my foot and walking away. I become Marissa Hardy again, putting on my "no emotions" face, walking somberly down the hall. I look in every single window into every single room until I see my dear sister. I fling open the door, and I tell you, you will not believe what I saw._ It was that psycho in a bat suit!_

"Are you Felicia's sister?" He asked. His voice was almost more monotone then mine was. I didn't want to risk having my voice crack, or go and say something stupid, so I just nodded. I mangaged to say a few words also, but very quietly.

"What happened to her?" It was the battle of the Impassives!

"She was caught in a shootout between the Joker and the police. She was on the the seven hostages--"

"I'm not unintellegent. I watch the news." I told him. It's true; I remember I was helping Harvey write a speech when he got a phone call to turn on the news, so we did. And bam! there was news about some shootout. The Joker ended up giving three and a half of the hostages back (Hey, it's fair, right? Half of seven, after all!) and running away. We never found out who the hostages were, until now, of course. I don't really care about the other two...and a half.

"You sister ought to be alright physically within the next month." Batman stated. Then he just walked away. 'God, what a tight-ass!' the Sleeper thought. Marissa just dealt with him though. He wants to be like that, not my problem. I waled over to the edge of my sister's bed and just looked at her. She looked a little mentally scarred. I mean hey, even without this happening she'd be mentally scarred. I'm a little scarred too...I don't think anything good has happened since we moved from Bludhaven.

Wait, I didn't tell you, did I? Oh, yeah, me and my sister were Bludhaven survivors! ...You don't know what Bludhaven is? Don't you read the paper? Way back, like 5 years ago, there was this city called Bludhaven. Me and my sister used to live there, until there was this freak chemical spill and the whole city had to be evacuated. A lot of people got out right away, but me and my sister lived kind of in the middle of the city, so we got out around a week and a half after the spill. It did freaky things to us, no joke! She has these really cool cat-like abilities, like she has amazing reflexes, and I got hit on the head with something (you'd have to ask my sister if you want to know details; I can't remember for 3 months after this happened, I'm not kidding) and I have the ability to read people's pasts and futures when this stimulant in my brain reaches a certain level. I'm not exactly sure what it's called, but it's when I experience anything sensual. Like if someone I have a relationship with holds my hand or kisses me or something, I know their pasts and futures. How cool is that?

Anyway, I totally got off track just then. Sorry. Where was I? Oh yeah, after a while of just staring at my sister and thinking, I left, just as swiftly as Batman had. I had a full day ahead of me, and I don't think staring at my sister any longer would've helped her get better faster.

...Stupid freakin' bat psycho!


	3. Bruce's Party

This is the point where Jack is introduced into my life

This is the point where Jack is introduced into my life. But I mean, come on, I've had enough stress for one day!

After Harvey dropped me off at work, when I finished my hospital trip, I had my usual morning appointment: Bruce Wayne. The richest man in all of Gotham City. Just because he's rich doesn't mean he doesn't have any problems, though. His parents died in front of his freaking eyes when he was 8 in front of a movie theater; how pathetic was it that Bambi was the movie he saw, where the mom died? Weird.

Anyway, my client, Bruce, was holding this fundraiser for Harvey that night. So I donned this cute, little black dress with no cloth on the shoulders, but long sleeves, you know, and these really cute black heels to go out. I looked at myself in the mirror before putting on my wig. I have this crazy hair; it's all brown and I have really straight bangs in the front, but the rest of it's really curly. And here's the best part: the bottom half of my hair is bright pink! How awesome is that? It goes down to around the middle of my chest, so it's kind of long, but still really pretty, I think. But whenever I put on my stupid blonde wig, I bobby pin all of the curls so they don't loose their shape. When I take it out, it looks good as new though…anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, right, so I was looking in the mirror right before I put on my wig and set off, when I kind of felt really depressed. I hate the fact that I have to go out and pretend to be someone else when I'm really the Sleeper! Blonde equals Marissa, which is obviously my real name, but the brown and pink hair is the Sleeper, and that's my real personality! It brought me down a little when I finally realized I have to play this big act and pretend I have no emotions. I know it sounds like, "Hey, finally you realize this, dumbass!" but I don't think it sunk in until this very moment. But whatever. Totally no time to think about that. I have to help Harvey get through this dinner party!

So my wig's on, I leave my building, and Harvey's there to pick me up. He's with this chick I don't really recognize, but they both get out of the car to greet me.

"So nice to see you again, Mariss'. We haven't seen each other in the longest time." Harvey said sarcastically. He opened his arms for a fake hug.

"Oh, definitely, Harvey. Really nice to see you." I say in my stupid freaking monotonous Marissa tone I have to use every single time I'm out with anyone other than Harvey. I went in for his hug but it was really phony. I had to use all of my psychologist power not to crack up right there.

"Marissa, I'd like you to meet Rachel. She's my girlfriend, I've told you about her before." Harvey said, gesturing towards Rachel. We both did the little fake smile thing you do when you first meet someone. It was kind of weird though…I think hers was genuine.

"Rachel…I really have heard a lot about you. Good to meet you at last." I said. I extended my hand to greet her and he shook it. Now here's where it gets weird.

You remember when I told you I have the ability to do stuff most people can't? Like, see peoples pasts, futures, all that? Well I saw Rachel's future, and it freaked me the hell out. I had to get a grip on myself fast, or they'd know I was faking it, so I just let go of her hand as casually as I could and smiled and nodded. …You know one of those scary horror movie scene things, where you just see a flash of what's going on and it creeps you out because you don't expect it? That's exactly what happened to me then. I tried to ignore it when we were driving over there, and even when we walked in and I started socializing, but I swear to God, that image is still with me. It gives me the creeps when I'm telling you about it now.

So around halfway through the night, I see Rachel and Bruce out on his deck just talking. I didn't pay any attention to it, but I remembered Bruce was talking about Rachel also. Like he used to go out with her or something…I can't remember right now. Anyway, they come inside and Rachel and Harvey are talking. After they're done, Harvey comes up to me with this really disappointed look on his face. He's telling me about how Rachel wants to wait to get engaged, and he thinks there's someone else, and Bruce just comes up to Harvey, snags him from behind and shoves him in a cabinet!! It was so random! …At the moment.

"What are you doing?!" I nearly lost my cool, but he ran away too fast for me to ask anything else. It all happened to fast for me to do anything. The elevator bell rings. This guys comes up and falls over, apparently dead.

Behind him stands the Joker.

_**There's the man who nearly killed my sister.**_

…God, he is the hottest fucking thing I have ever seen. 


	4. The Joker is SO Fucking Hot

So, at this point, you must think I'm a nut job

So, at this point, you must think I'm a nut job. The guy who killed my sister? And I'm infatuated with him?! What kind of insane creeper am I?! Well, let me tell you, if you had seen him in the light I had, you would've fallen for him too. It looked like he had just put on makeup, which made him look very fresh, and when he stepped out of the elevator he had this look on his face that reminded me of when a little kid does something really great and they're really proud so they rush off to tell their parents. So I guess the Joker was telling us instead. I have no idea.

"Good evening, ladies and gentle-men…" he said, this big, happy grin stretched across his face. He fired a gun straight up at the ceiling and everyone flinched but me, I think. I can't even remember if I did or not. He knocked all my senses out. "We are tonight's entertainment!" He said every word with a little passion, like he was reciting lines from a script. "I only have one question…" he paused, licking his lips. "Where is Harvey Dent?" He pronounced every word so clearly and was so literate I couldn't believe he was a wack job.

So he goes around, from person to person, asking everyone where Harvey Dent is. Most people are too afraid to talk to him, though. To me, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would shoot someone randomly, but to everyone else, their lives were at stake. Pansies.

After a while, of harassing people, suddenly I hear this voice boom out from a few people away. "Okay, stop it." And out walks Rachel, prominent as ever. She wasn't afraid of this lunatic. Neither was I, but hell, I was in love.

"Well hel-lo beautiful!" he said, walking towards Rachel and brushing his hair back in this really sexy way. He strolled around her, examining her from all angles and, deciding he was satisfied with he decision, came in front of her and grabbed her face in his hands. "Look at mm—look at me, look—look at me…" He sticks this knife in her mouth, and, after a little persuasion, she looks at him. Come on, Jack, notice me already! I'm twenty times as pretty as Rachel and I'm a supervillain! …Kind of. "Do you know how I got these scars?"

And suddenly, I got it. At that moment, I thought I had seen Rachel's future and that she was going to die right there. She means so much to Harvey, and she's such a nice girl, I just had to do something. She could not die right there. I wouldn't let her. So, after being trained to be sneaky by my sister (well she's the Black Cat; cat reflexes can be passed on from family members!), I push Rachel out of the way so that I'm staring him right in the face. He's still holding the knife where it was, and it sort of slid into my mouth. He held my shoulder with his other hand and I held his forearms with my hands. He froze for a second.

"No…but I'd like to find out." I said, glaring at him with all the hatred I could gather. It was hard not to say anything else, like anything that suggested I was madly in love with him, but I managed the best I could. And then it happened again.

The Joker tells these stories to all his victims before he kills them, right? 'Do you know how I got these scars'? I didn't have to listen to any of them. He didn't even have to open his mouth for me to know that underneath the maniacal exterior was an abused child. A kid that got beat up by his dad and neglected by his mom. A man that had finally found someone to love him, had a wife and unborn son, killed at the hands of some gangsters. The only person that ever cared for him, gone with a gunshot. A tortured soul that cuts himself; his only hope of ever smiling again. A maniac that kills because he doesn't know how to do anything else. Who we used to call Jack Napier; who is now called The Joker. Completely, utterly, insane. But something woke me from my reverie. Something that would come to haunt me forever, something I regret about myself even now.

"Jeannie?" The Joker whispered, getting so close to my face I could feel his breath on my lips. The look in his eyes was mixed with intrigue, wonder, fascination, and hope. It was amazing. _He had mistaken me for his wife. For his murdered wife. He thought I was Jeanne Napier. _

Before I knew it he had been hit upside the head and the moment was gone forever.

…And then the bat psycho beat the crap out of him.


	5. Nearly Touched My Boobs

"Marissa, what are you doing

"Marissa, what are you doing?" Harvey whispered at me. It was a few nights after the incident, and Harvey was dropping me off outside my apartment building after one of his speeches. I ran inside and grabbed what I told him was a picture I wanted to show him, but instead I climbed in the backseat and started changing into my Sleeper costume: this pink halter-top cocktail dress with white polka-dots and a white band around the waist. I get to wear my hair down too, with really sparkly pink eye shadow and some white heels. I didn't answer Harvey until I was finished dressing, and even then I was putting on my makeup; I put on really heavy eyeliner and blush and lipstick, too.

"Well, you're taking me down to Gotham National Bank where I'm going to manipulate mobsters into doing what I want using my womanliness." I said, putting on eyeliner.

"I thought your criminal days were over, though." He said, looking at me through the rearview mirror.

"No way! I conquered Bludhaven and now Gotham will be mine too." I sneered. Puckering my lips and putting on my lipstick.

"…Marissa…" he sighed, "I'm not bailing you out of jail. And do you know what happens if I get discovered?"

"Well, no, you're not bailing me out of jail because I can do it myself, and if you get discovered…" I said matter-of-factly, crawling into the front seat and straightening out the crinoline on my dress.

"It's the bad guy's fault." We said together, me fastening my seatbelt and straightening my hair, and him making his way to the bank.

My high heels made a clicking sound on the floor. I could hear them talking to some Asian guy a few rooms down. Every single word was spoken loudly and clearly. These idiots weren't the least bit quiet, like, at all. They were talking about someone to do their dirty work for them. I could hear the Asian guy talking about stolen money or something being shipped to Hong Kong. They needed however many million dollars more (I can't remember at this point) but they needed someone to get it for them.

"Who would do something as stupid as that?" One of the Russian guys said. That was my cue! My high heels clomped their way through the room and up to the head of the table.

"Well, not me, that's for sure. Maybe that guy." I pointed at a black man at the end of the table. "If he didn't know…" I smiled and puckered my lips a little. Showtime.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" The Asian guy asked me. It was weird; he was like, on T.V. or something.

"Who cares? We have pretty lady at our disposal. Maybe she has come to entertain." The Russian guy said in kind of broken English.

"Oh, dearies, I assure you I'm not here to entertain." I slid up my dress a little, taking out a really small gun and shooting one of the crones of the Russian guy in the head. He fell over. I guess I killed him. Whoops! All the guys just stared at me, completely dumbfounded. Wow, after 5 years I'm still as good as ever. "Now, how about this? Either you all stop believing everything you see one T.V…" I pointed at the Asian dude. He turned off whatever webcam he was using. "…and get jobs as my sidekicks, and you all split half the money, or I take it all and kill everyone in this room.

"You're insane!" the black guy said.

"How do you expect to kill everyone here, little lady? You have one silly gun and you are up against many big strong men." The Russian guy said. Two of the black guy's cronies came up behind me and were about to grab me.

"Ah, ah, ah, gentlemen, let's not _blow_ things out of proportion…" I heard a voice say behind me. Before I could even glance in that direction, I saw the Joker beat both guys on the head with a pistol. One hit and they were dead. He was so skilled…he even knew where to hit! I looked over at him and noticed that the inside of his coat was lined with explosives, a string attached to each of them, then attached to his hand. One wrong hand gesture and the whole place could blow sky-high. And once again, I was blown sky-high already by his presence. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I smiled and blushed and shrugged my shoulders like a fumbling idiot. I look back now and realize how stupid I must have looked in front of him! Or rather, just so shy. Even worse! "So, let's get this straight…I get half the money, and you can get the other half…" he had so many great expressions it nearly killed me. "…and we kill these guys anyway. Sound good?" I couldn't even talk. I tried to, but I didn't say anything what would happen if I did something wrong? He'd hate me forever! I felt like such an idiot.

Nonetheless, he was nice to me. Even if he wasn't, I'd still think so. Since I was lacking words at the moment, he simply nodded and smiled. "I'll let you think about it." He grinned at me and I almost died. "Uhm…here's my card…" he took a Joker card out of his pocket, like one from a deck of cards, showed it to all the mobsters, then stuck it in the front of my dress and left, his hand still dangling on the explosives.

Then I went back to the car, had Harvey drive me home and passed out in the car on the way. The hottest guy in the world had been a centimeter from completely hands-on touching my boobs. It was _great_.


	6. Apartment Fun and Make Out in Makeup

So Harvey finally arrives at my apartment

So Harvey finally arrives at my apartment. I feel someone shaking me. That was when I woke up …after I passed out, of course.

"Hey…are you alright?" My eyelids fluttered open and Harvey's serious face was the first thing they saw. His hand was on my shoulder and he looked dead tired. I was pretty tired too, so I could relate.

"Yeah, I'm cool. Oh, wow, that was amazing." I said, sighing and remembering when the Joker put his card down my dress.

"Yeah, you told me…You want me to walk you inside?" He looked exhausted. So was I…but I didn't want to waste his time. He actually had stuff to do.

"No, no, it's cool hon. Hey, I'll see you in the morning, okay?" I kissed him on the cheek and after saying our goodbyes, I left the car. I dragged myself up the stairs and flung open my apartment door.

And there he was.

AGAIN.

I thought I looked horrible. I had passed out in the car, I was dead tired, and my heart was beating a thousand times a minute from all this planning I had to do in order to get these mob guys good. But there he was, looking as awfully sexy as he could be. He was leaning against my wall, watching Harvey drive off. He turned to me, his eyelids partially closed in this really seductive way. I don't think he meant it to be seductive, but it sure as hell was.

"Did you think about my, um, my proposition?" he asked, taking a few steps towards me so we weren't that far apart. Noticing I had accidentally left the car at the top to my dress, he plucked it out and looked at it, licking his lips really quickly and waving it in front of my face. Yet again my love gave way and I couldn't say a word, just smiled shyly and looked down with my shoulders shrugged and my hands behind my back.

"I…uh…I…well…uh…" I stuttered and noticed I was breathing heavily. I tried to stop but my throat was so dry I couldn't swallow. He saw this as an opportunity and approached me, grabbing my hands in his.

"So…is that…yes?" he said literately. The only thing I could do was smile and nod. "Good. I've _always_," he grabbed me around the waist with one hand, "wanted to work with you. I've seen you around Bludhaven before and your carefree style," he grabbed me around the waist with his other hand. "_excites_ me. So…partners?" I had swallowed enough that I could finally muster out a few words. I was ready to make a move in his little game, finally.

"Define partners," I squeezed out, putting my arms around his neck. They were shaking, along with the rest of my body at this point. He made a few "shush"-ing noises and but a finger over my mouth. I almost died. Again.

"Don't be nervous…Don-Don't be nervous…" he put the hand he was shushing me with on my face an caressed my cheek. My heart was beating a thousand times a second. I couldn't take it anymore. "D-…Don't…" Apparently he couldn't hold back either. He pressed his lips gently against mine at first. My stomach did laps around my vocal chords. After we just pressed our lips really softly together a few times, we really kissed. It was so amazing. I would have been flying if his hands weren't around my lips.

Okay, so I bet you totally think this is way too soon for a first kiss. Like you have to go on a few dates or something first. To tell you the truth, you're totally right. We should've got to known each other first, and after only really meeting twice he definitely shouldn't have been at my apartment. But the beauty of this was his lust. Screw me and the fact I was completely in love with this guy, he saw that easily and pursued it. A woman hadn't fallen for him in ages, so his first response would be to embrace it. He didn't even know my real name. But he didn't even have to.

After the passionate kiss was broken, he looked at my hands briefly and then looked me in the eyes. His eyes were pretty too.

"Your lips--…your lips taste like…" he pressed his lips against mine again. Makeup on your collar, tells a tale on you! "…taste like _candy_. Just like candy." He smiled at me. Not an entertained smile, or not a smile like he was playing a joke, a cute smile. Just a really cute smile. Everything about him was cute. I just sighed and looked him in the eyes. I was smiling too. "Are you tired? You look tired." He asked caringly. It was still hard for me to talk to him, so I nodded a little. He pressed his lips against mine again, ran them down my neck and finished up the kiss there. He grinned at me one last time. "Meet me tomorrow night, 10 o'clock, at 4th and 57th." I nodded and grinned back at him. He jumped out the window and left. I ran over to the window to see where he went but I didn't see a thing. He completely disappeared.

Okay, 10 o'clock, 4th and 57th. Got it. I wonder what's there?


	7. Our Warehouse Games

I could see Harvey's car pull up from outside my window

I could see Harvey's car pull up from outside my window. I had actually bothered to get ready inside this time, so I came out with this overcoat on so no one knew who I was. I got in Harvey's car and he began to drive as I was taking it off.

"Meeting your new lover in style tonight, are we?" he said sarcastically. We were totally like a brother and sister, so I didn't really care when he teased me. I got used to it after a while, so I just slugged him on the arm. "Not a good idea to hit the driver."

"I wore it so no one would know who I am, smart one." I paused to think for a minute, a rare occasion. I've started to make fun of myself, because as I learned from Jack, laugh and the world laughs at you too! "What'll he think if he knows you're my chauffer?" I asked. I was partially talking to myself and partially talking to Harvey.

"Well, I don't know. You'll have to ask." He stated.

"Ask? I can't just ask! I'm not an asking person when it comes to him, dear." I said, twisting my mouth in thought and displeasure.

"You're not even a talking person when you're around him, _dear_." He was totally mocking me, that son of a bitch. "You're really weird around him."

"Oh yeah? How would you know!?" I pouted like a little kid. I guess that's sort of my thing: over-exaggerating every little thing a girl does to make myself extra girly to make my appeal higher. You can't have a criminal you hate, or it's not fun!

"Because of the mob boss that got turned in today. He completely spilled his guts in court. He was talking about you and the Joker and how you interrupted their meeting then he technically saved your life…" he let out a sigh. "Watch out what you do in front of who."

"Did he talk about anything else?" I asked. At this point I was dying to know. I could help out the Joker if I knew something important, and God knows I wanted to help him so, SO much.

"Well, he did talk about the Batman…he's scared stiff of him. You know, I bet he's going to hunt you down in that warehouse. Watch your back. That bat knows even stuff I don't know. Before you know it, your name is going to be on the news tomorrow morning." he pulled up a few blocks away from the warehouse.

"I know. But the headline's going to be 'Homicidal Psycho and Lover Wreak Havoc in Gotham City'," I gave him a wink, got out of the car, and began to walk to the warehouse. I left my overcoat in his car, which made me feel so much lighter and prettier. I went into the warehouse through the back door and he was standing there, piles and piles of explosives around him. There were a bunch of cars, too, and the explosives were being loaded into them. If a normal person had seen this, they'd have fallen over with astonishment, but I was used to this whole crime stuff. I just kept walking towards the Joker, my eyes on the prize. I still had to outdo Rachel. Even if he had forgotten about her, I hadn't!

"Well _there_ you are…" I walked over to him and he grabbed me by the waist. We kissed lightly and he just held me there. I felt my leg go up in a girly way when we kissed, and it just stayed up. It was kind of cute. "I've been waiting." I smiled more confidently and sexually. I had been rehearsing for-freaking-ever, and I finally got to the point where I was more shy than nervous around him.

"I can see that." I said. You could still hear the shyness in my voice and such, but most of it had gone away. I could tell he liked the real Sleeper better than the shy one. We pulled away from our embrace and stood there holding hands. "What are you doing with all these explosives? Plan to blow up Gotham already?" Like I said, rehearsing for-freaking-ever.

"What are we going to do with—with all these explosives," he corrected, strolling around me to kind of inspect the warehouse. He was so hot when he corrected me. And when he strolled. And when he inspected the warehouse. "Well, what I wanted to do…to send these cars, full of ammunition all throughout Gotham. I think…I think that if we were to send all these cars to major points in Gotham City…The Capital Building, Gotham National Bank…"

"The courthouse…" I continued.

"Good, good! The courthouse…" he paused and took my hands in his. I swooned a little but caught myself before he could notice. "I think…if these points were to be high-jacked with explosives, we should knock them off one by one. One by one until…until…" he stopped talking for a second. I could tell he was thinking hard. Too hard.

"Well…" I said. His attention darted towards me. All eyes and ears were on me. It was like he desperately wanted to know what I was going to say. It was kind of cool. "One of the mobsters got caught today. He told everything in court, and he mentioned he was scared of that weird bat guy." He smiled sneakily. He was through thinking, now he was plotting. "If all the mobsters feel the same way then he could potentially be our main target."

"That's correct," he said intelligently. "So…so, if we can just get the Batman…" he thought a little more. "If we could just get the Batman, we could kill him. We could…get Gotham back…" I didn't really get his motives, and I didn't understand why he really wanted this bat psycho, but hey! I hated him too, so it's a match made in heaven. Just what I wanted. Great! "Thank you," he said. Oh God, the Joker was thanking me! I had contributed to his genius and he was thanking me! His genius, not mine!

"Oh no, dear, thank you," I looked at him licentiously. He loved every second of it.

I had finally figured out the first piece to the puzzle.

Piece 1: The Joker likes to play games. He's looking for someone to play them with him, or they're not fun anymore.


	8. Lil' Johnny On My Mind

You know what? I really wanted to get married. After I left the Joker that night, after all of our plans were settled, I only had marriage on my mind. I have no idea why, because as a young, career-oriented young woman I should have had absolutely no urge for romance whatsoever. I had the marriage feeling a few times before, you know, like a recurring thing, but it never had to do with anything; like, I wasn't even thinking about marrying Jack. Just marriage in its entirety. It should have totally been the farthest thing from my mind. But no matter how hard I tried, it kept coming back: getting married, starting a family, all of that old-style 1950's stuff that would be stereotypically on a woman's mind at my age.

I walked back to my apartment, wanting time to think for myself. As soon as I got back, I completely stripped down and flopped on my bed, crashing for a few hours. I awoke at around 4 the next morning and marriage was still on my mind! It was so weird--everywhere I turned, everything I saw reminded me of some kind of relationship involving a legally binding contract saying two people are totally into each other. When I got to work that morning, it was still there. It was there so much that I even made an analogy in my session with Bruce Wayne! I can't remember exactly what I said, but I remember we were talking about fears, like when he was little he fell in a hole and got spooked by a bat or something. So he was all talking about his fear of bats and I all of a sudden related his fear of bats to a fear of commitments! Like, how he doubts himself about whether he fears bats or respects them or some crap like that, and I relate that to some fear of commitment or something...like I said, I can't remember my wording, but it sparked up a lot that he wasn't talking about before, like a lot of stuff about Rachel and how he had a mega-crush on her. Seeing as Harvey is basically family, it was hard to hold all this stuff in. I know being a psychologist/psychoanalyst is only a cover, but my patients have a right to privacy I just don't want to mess up. About 15 minutes after Bruce left, just as I was taking some final notes, I got a call from Jim Gordon.

"Hello?" I answered the phone monotonously in my Marissa voice.

"Hello, my name is Jim Gordon from the Gotham City Police Department...is this Dr. Hardy?" he asked. He seemed nice enough; first impressions are everything to me.

"Yes it is." I replied.

"Dr. Hardy...I heard you were the best in town, and I have a special assignment for you."

"I wouldn't say best, Mr. Gordon..." I had this funny little "Marissa Trying To Be A Real Person" voice I'd whip out once and a while, and I did that just then. "But I do excel in my profession. What's this assignment you mentioned?"

"Well, we've captured a man by the name of Jonathan Crane and he refuses to talk to anyone. He's brought up your name more than once, and we think you could maybe break the ice. Are you up for it?" Jim sounded like a nice guy at the time, and the pay at Arkham was much higher than it should have been, so I was totally there. Only one thing: Jonathan Crane as in both mine and Harvey's old, good friend Johnny? Jonathan Crane as in 6th grade, me, Harvey, and Johnny going to his house every Friday to watch scary movies we shouldn't even have known about? Jonathan Crane as in shy little Johnny that refused to talk to girls so I'd have to ask my friends out for him? Absolutely gorgeous Jonathan Crane that couldn't get a date to the prom, so he and Harvey went together and everyone thought they came out of the closet? THAT Jonathan Crane!?

"Of course, Mr. Gordon."

"Great. Can you be down there this afternoon, say, at 2:30?"

"...Yes. That sounds fine."

"Great. I'll be down there waiting for you."

"I'll see you there, Mr. Gordon." And I hung up the phone.

I cannot believe I'm going to see Johnny again. If he was gorgeous in junior year, the last time I saw him before he moved; I wonder how gorgeous he is now!


	9. Cats

So I'm cruising along, right? I have the stereo on really loud to some Bob Dylan music (it reminds me of an old friend) and I'm almost at Arkham. Around a few miles away, though, I turn down the music and put the top back on my car—it's one of those cool convertibles that you can put the top up and down (well duh, convertibles _usually_ have tops that go up and down). I fixed my wig, regained my stingy composure and drove up to the gate where the guard was sitting there, waiting for me to give him a reason to let me in. I told him I'm a psychologist, visiting a patient there, but in reality I'm just a good ol' girl going to see an old friend. Finally, after the 2 hour drive, I park and walk in, whereupon I see the Great Jim Gordon waiting for my arrival.

"Hello, Marissa. It's a pleasure to meet you face-to-face at last," he said, extending his hand for a greeting. I shake it, apparently tighter than he expected. He started to lead me into the high-security quarters as he started his explanation of a person I already knew. "We're going to have you examine Dr. Jonathan Crane. He's been here a little while—I think you can remember that drug bust about two months back—we've had him here since then." I nodded as he opened the door with some kind of special pass. I tried to ignore the hoots and propositions the jail bait were giving me, but underneath Marissa's hard exterior, the Sleeper was flattered. "He's been visited by a number of psychologists, but so far, your name is the only one he's mentioned. I was hoping to get a hold of you to see if you could get any information on him." I nodded again as we approached his padded-cell door.

"May I request that there be no recording devices while I speak with him? I'm very interested in the confidentiality of this case," I said, trying to sound intelligent. I guess Jim bought it, since he nodded, intimidated by my astoundingly phony intellect. He opened the door and ushered me in.

"Good luck, Dr. Hardy," he said, a sigh in his chest. I smiled and nodded as I entered the room. The door closed behind me with a giant "thud". And then I saw him. My beautiful Johnny, degraded to this. I wanted to go over there and put my arms around him, hug him and tell him that everything was okay and that I'd take him away from this horrible place and he could live in my apartment and I'd feed him and groom him and tuck him in at night. But yeah, like that's ever gonna happen. I don't think Johnny would like to be treated like a cat all that much. Anyway, he was in awful shape. It looked like he hadn't showered in a while—either that or just sweat a lot out of being nervous—anxiety attacks were a big part of his youth, as far as I can remember. He was in this straightjacket and just sitting on the floor. Like, just sitting there. His hair was all greasy and damp, his skin was all clammy and ghostly, and there were giant bags of purple under his eyes. This of course didn't take away from his naturally piercing blue eyes, the same blue eyes that attracted every girl when they were really trying to attract Harvey. He looked kind of zoned out. Actually, not kind of zoned out, _really_ zoned out.

"J-…Johnny?" I said, almost in a whisper. A smile graced his beautifully girly lips (and I mean _graced_) and I felt like squealing like a crazy fan girl. He was just always so beautiful. Not the kind of beautiful that I want to marry him, but the kind that I want to keep in a cage on my nightstand and love forever. Like a pet. Am I making another cat reference? Holy crap.

"Marissa," he sighed. He made it look like the world had just been lifted off his shoulders and chucked at Batman, that's how happy he was. He tried to stand up but he couldn't really balance himself so he just leaned up against the wall. Like a Mexican Jumping Bean. Why I thought of that compared to him, I have no idea, but—oh! I know why. 'Cause he had no use of his arms 'cause they were all straight-jacketed. All of a sudden, I couldn't take it anymore. I ran over to him and flung my arms around him. He was just so beautiful and lonely and sad all locked up in here that I couldn't bear another second of it. He put his little head on my shoulder and I almost had a conniption. At this point, he had grown about 6 inches since the last time I saw him, so it was a little awkward. But I didn't care. I had my Johnny. "I missed you. I wanted to talk to you. You finally came," Either he was crying or just talking really softly and dreamily like he usually did. After finding out that he was indeed talking dreamily, I sat him down on him little bed thing and sat next to him.

The conversation and actions that follow are probably some of the most adrenaline-filled conversation and action I had ever experienced in my, what, 28-year-old life.


	10. Craziest KidnapRescue Ever

We talked for a while. What about I can't say. Well, it's not that I can't say it, it's that I won't say it. We talked about some serious stuff in there and… yeah. I'm not going to talk about it. Anyway, after I left his cell I talked to Jim Gordon on the way out.

"Thanks for giving me this opportunity, Jim," I said, praying to God he couldn't see my emotions from the cryfest with Johnny. "We're going to need a few more sessions but I think I can really help him."

"No, thank you, Dr. Hardy," He stuck out his hand and I shook it because I felt obligated. "You're the one who just dropped over here on a whim." We exchanged goodbyes (finally) and I stepped out of the building, going over to my car, going in and locking the door with the windows rolled up. I sat in my car for a little bit and thought. I thought about Johnny, I thought about what we talked about, I thought about Harvey and his girlfriend and the Joker.

And I thought about how I was going to spring Johnny from Arkham.

Yeah, yeah, you all saw it coming. But you don't know how I do things, honestly. I mean, I was a big shot way back when, and I know and knew how to do things. I know how to do them my way. And if you think my way is some fucking passive little plan with sneaky little sneaking around, you are so, so mistaken.

Okay, what follows is like, the craziest kidnap-rescue ever. But I do some stupid stuff that is going to make you question my state of mind. And actually, you should. I know I shouldn't tell you about what Johnny and I were talking about, and I won't tell you specifics, but you have to realize that Johnny was going [more] insane. I learned something about him in Arkham that I never knew about him before. If I didn't get him out of there as soon as I could, he would kill himself because of it. And I couldn't let that happen, you have to understand that.

I put on my costume and waited until it got dark. I put on my metal-cleat heels, picked up a few gas bombs, a gun and a knife, put them in my garter stockings, got out of the car and commenced to scale the wall of Arkham Asylum to the second floor like a bad ass ninja.

I kicked the window in, threw a gas bomb in there, and waited until it was safe enough for me to walk by the sleeping guards and enter the hallway, where more guard saw me and I kicked the shit out of them with my heels. You honestly think they'd shoot a lady? No way.

If I remembered correctly, Johnny's room was on the fifth floor. I was feeling lazy so I just took the elevator. Some jerk ass was in it when I pressed the button so I whipped out my gun and shot him in the leg and let him lay on the floor for a little bit while the elevator went up. It was literally totally one of the most awkward moments of my life, with me just kind of like waiting there all chill with this guy whining on the ground with a bullet in his leg. Completely and totally awkward.

The elevator got to Johnny's floor after what seemed like forever and some guard dudes were waiting in a little room at the start of the hall, you know, like in every mental hospital, and I shot the window, kicked it in, and threw a gas bomb in the room. When the guy was passed out and it was okay to go in, I looked for the button on the panel that released cell eleven. Seeing as I couldn't find it, I just pressed the 'open all cells' button and went on my way.

All the doors opened and some crazy guy came out of one of the cells. He actually looked pretty normal (to me) and he smiled when I walked by.

"Excuse me… What's… going on?" he said politely, lyrically.

"Oh, I'm getting one of my friends out of here. You're welcome to leave if you want to!" I answered cutely and politely as well. He strolled over to the elevator and pressed a button with his nose because his arms were in a straight jacket. As door closed and we nodded our goodbyes. Nice guy, I wonder whatever happened to him.

I kept walking down the hall until I got to Johnny's open cell. He was sleeping. I stepped carefully over to him and bent down, touching his shoulder. He twitched awake and smiled sweetly at seeing me.

"Time to go, honey," I said softly, putting and arm around his little jacketed shoulders and lifting up his legs. I swear to God he weighed about eighty pounds, he felt so light. Just as I was about to leave the cell, a giant buzzer thing went off and the doors closed. A red light turned on in the hallway and the buzzer kept going, like a fire alarm. 'Oh shit,' I thought to myself, 'Arkham's in lockdown.'

Through the annoying-as-hell-buzzer-thing I heard some menacing footsteps in the hall, like the kind you hear in a horror movie. I looked through the window, still holding my baby, peered down the hallway to see the creator of all this havoc, and who else did I see but the creator of havoc himself.

The fucking Joker put Arkham into lockdown just to screw with me.

"Joker!" I yelled from the cell, "Joker, get me the _fuck _out of here!" He strolled comfortably over to the window and smiled, a grin without teeth.

"Hello, Miss… Sleeper. How'd you get in here?" he said slowly and methodically.

"I'll tell you when you let me out, fuck face," I said half sweetly and half sarcastically. Actually it was like a third sweetly and two-thirds sarcastically. It was like a sarcastic sundae with sweet sprinkles. I saw him walk away slowly, stay away for a little bit, and finally, open all the doors again. I stormed out, Johnny in my arms, running over to the Joker, about this close to killing him. "What the hell were you doing!? You knew I was here, you were doing this ju—," He put a hand to my lips, raised his little eyebrows and pointed at Johnny. He was asleep. I bit my lip and gave the Joker a dirty look. Fuck all those girly feelings I had before; I was in a bad mood already, and in addition, no one gets in the way of matters with my little Johnny. He thought he could walk right in there and screw up my not-even-a-plan-plan?! I stomped towards the elevator, my cleats about as harshly hitting the ground as I wanted to hit the Joker. I pressed the button and got in, the Joker following suite.

"Man, and I thought you looked soft on the outside…" he grinned without teeth in my direction, polluting the elevator with whatever cologne he something he was wearing, which actually smelled pretty good. I guess he got spruced up for his date.

"About as soft as a piece of hard candy," a voice from my bosom muttered. It was Johnny. Apparently I woke him up or something. Maybe Mr. Asshole did. I opened my mouth to say something motherly and loving but the elevator bell rung and we were on the first floor. Plus, I didn't want the Joker hear me getting all mushy when he just heard how tough I was.

We got out of the elevator. There were some dead guys with smiles lying all around the floor and I didn't really care. Some henchmen were standing by the door waiting for the Joker's command. I didn't really care about that either. I made my way out to the car and stuck Johnny in the backseat, the fresh air feeling awesome in comparison to the dank asylum. I closed the door as quietly as I could and made my way to the driver's side where the Joker was waiting for me. He smiled as I reached for the door. I couldn't get it open because he was leaning on it.

"Get out of my way," I sighed impatiently, "I'm not in the mood for this…"

"Then… What are you in the mood for?" He bent over and kissed me. We made out for a minute until I could position him so that he was out of the way of the door, and I broke it off really slowly, one hand on his chest and the other hand on the car door handle.

"You're a jerk," I whispered sensually in his ear, opening the door and bouncing in the car, turning it on and backing out, all in the same motion. I looked in my rearview mirror as I drove away at his pretty little content face and wondered what my next move would be. So far he'd moved his pawns and got my castle, but I still had my king and he still had his knight… this was getting fun.


	11. Cassie, Janice and Harvey

My little intercom thing rang. It woke me up. _'Bitch…' _I thought to myself as I pressed the intercom thingy to reply. My receptionist was calling me. It was ten o'clock [in the morning] (and fuck knows I knew where my child was. But we'll get to that later).

"What is it, Janice?" I muttered in my Marissa voice.

"Your next patient is here. I'll send her in," Janice said all nasally and receptionist-y.

"Mm—Mmkay," I slurred my words and my finger slipped off the button. I was so dead tired. The night at Arkham had drained me. No wonder why Johnny was so suicidal, living a double life is B.S. My patient came in. Her name was either Rachel or Cassie… I can't remember. I was too effin' tired to remember. She was smart when I first met her, but she was on a lot of medication now, after my supervisor, the Holy Psychiatrist got a hold of her. I didn't even know why she was seeing me anymore. I take humans, not zombies. She came in and sat down softly on the seat. I whipped out my pad and paper and gave her a friendly-fake smile. I was _so_ not in the mood for smiling. "Hello…" I looked at her file. So it _was_ Cassie! "Cassandra. How's everything going?" She gave me this blank stare for like, fifteen god damn seconds, and smiled like an idiot.

"Well, I have this thing tha—," She didn't get to finish before my receptionist sounded the buzzer thing. I jumped a little bit covered it up with a sigh. Cassie-O was still smiling. I decided to ignore her. Janice spoke abrasively.

"Dr. Hardy, you have a call. It's an emergency," she said with absolutely no intonation of emergency in her voice. I smiled at Cassie and told her I had to leave. Ol' Cass just nodded. I actually never saw her again after that. Oops! I stormed out of my office and turned to Janice. I was _this_ close to being mad, but since I was "Dr. Hardy", I couldn't show any emotions at all. I couldn't show emotions, just like Janice. Maybe even less emotions than Janice.

"Janice, what could possibly be so important as to interrupt a session?" I said, calming myself down. She looked up at me almost as blankly as Cassie.

"It's the District Attorney, Harvey Dent, ma'am. He says he needs to talk to you. Immediately. I have him on the phone," Jan-bitch pointed toward the phone in her hand on the talking part. I snatched it up and took a deep breath.

"Harvey, this is Marissa. You know you can't just—," Thank God he interrupted me or I would have broken character.

"Marissa. Meet me at your apartment. Twenty minutes. This is serious." Harvey hung up and my head almost exploded. That son of a bitch.

"Janice, cancel my appointments for the rest of the day. I have some personal business I need to attend to," I sneered at my assistant. I think she was pretty used to my sneering (either that or she had no soul) so she just did like I told her. I ran downstairs, hopped aboard the bus across the street, and took the fifteen-twenty minute ride home. I was panicking. The tone in Harvey's voice was _not_ good. What if something bad happened to Johnny? I'd never live with myself if I got him out of Arkham only to have him die in my apartment. I finally got there, dashing into my building, running up the stairs, in my heels (I was in a state of emotional distress), and flung my apartment door open, only to see Harvey sitting on my couch, Johnny on his lap, kissing him and pulling at his tie. Harvey looked petrified.

I almost laughed my ass off.


	12. Assimilation, Coping, and Hand Gestures

**Sorry about the whole "taking months to update" thing.  
Hell, I'm on a role now, I think I'll write a few more chapters before I go another 7 months without writing anything.**

**Is it just me or is this starting to turn into a crack fic?**

**Ah, well. Anything's possible with a Dark Knight fanfiction with a female OC.**

**Enjoy!**

I stuck my hand on my hip, cocked my head, and smirked at the two of them.

"So you're a fag now, huh, Harvey?" I said, making fun of the poor shmuck. He grimaced in anger as Johnny went on eating his neck.

"Marissa, please, I just--," Johnny got his cheek. "Help me out here. Please. I was over here--," Johnny tousled his hair with his girly fingers and rubbed his face on Harvey's. "I was over here checking up on him like you said and when he woke up--," He gave Harvey a little peck on the lips. Harvey died on the inside. "He just started doing this. Help me, please. I can't get him to--," Johnny loosened his tie. "Stop…" I could tell Harvey was enjoying it a little, not like a noticeable little, but the kind of little only someone with crazy powers like mine would get. Only 'cause I knew what was going to happen, but I fuckin' hate foreshadowing. I walked over to the two and slowly pulled Johnny off. The farthest I could get him away from Harvey was sitting next to him, cuddling on the couch. I sat in front of them.

"Johnny," I said in a motherly and caring voice, "What happened, honey?" He smiled happily. He was thrilled to tell me this story. He was rehearsing it in his little head, I could tell.

"Life is short, Mari," Johnny said dreamily. He nudged Harvey playfully, keeping eye contact with me. "Get what you want." I raised my eyebrows and smiled at the two of them. I went over and sat next to Harvey, putting my hand on his other knee. One more hoe and the lucky bastard would've been Santa Claus.

"Hey Johnny, can I talk to Harv in the kitchen for a second?" He thought it over for a bit and like a little kid, turned to me and nodded slowly, a little grin still on his face. He pecked Harvey quickly on the cheek as we stood up and walked into the kitchen (which wasn't far because my apartment was tiny) and closed the door. Harvey collapsed in a chair and I sat down across from him, the only seat left in the kitchen. We sat there in an incredibly awkward silence for a little bit until I decided it was safe to talk.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked, both elbows on the table. Harvey looked like he was going to cry, which was one of the weirdest things I'd ever seen. I knew he wouldn't but he looked like he was going to.

"Mari…" He ran his fingers through his hair. "Jesus, I don't know what's going on. He just started this and--…" He cut himself off. I climbed up on the table and sat cross-legged in front of him.

"Look, Johnny's been in a lunatic asylum for who the hell knows how long. This is how he's trying to… eh…" I made a few hand gestures to help myself think of the word I was looking for, "…assimilate back into society. He has no idea who he is or how to act or anything. This is him--,"

"Trying to cope," he said, nodding his head a little sarcastically. "Yeah, exactly. Trying to cope. You know what, that's what everyone's doing, trying to cope. This isn't coping. This is… this is…" He took a deep breath and made the same brand of hand gesture I did.

"Being… crazy?" A voice said from the window to the left of the table. It was the Joker. He was standing on the roof. I almost shit myself. "Mind if I come in? It's a bit… brisk out here."


End file.
